My First Panic Attack

I had a panic attack yesterday.

While driving home from work, stuck in traffic on a work call. Nothing in particular triggered it. Not sure if that's good or bad.

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Suddenly my heart started racing & my breath got short. My hands trembled. I got confused & disoriented.

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"Is this a panic attack?" I wondered. The guy on the other end of the call just kept going, undeterred.

"Why is this happening? I JUST hit inbox 0 for the first time this week." heh.

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Tomorrow I send my newsletter to 6,605 people and spend 6 days fielding the replies and it starts all over again.

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I got home and laid down on the bed in the dark, my heart racing even faster as I googled my symptoms with trembling fingers. I felt nauseous. And full. And hungry.

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My wife came in and asked me questions. "How many projects do you have going on right now?"

We counted them out together, one by one. Most she'd never even heard of. We got to 23, and later I remembered more.

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When you're responsible for multiple companies and initiatives everyone brings you their biggest problems.

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And wouldn't it be nice if, in some magical world, all those parties communicated? Like they all knew that they should wait to text me about their one big stressful thing?

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Well, that's not how it works. A central Texas city councilman doesn't know that a vendor in another state exists.

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A CEO at one company has no reason to communicate with my personal CPA.

I remember being in the hospital, bedside with my terminally ill daughter, and the calls, emails and texts just kept coming. And why wouldn't they? They don't know.

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"What is wrong with you people?" (Nothing)

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I outsourced ~20% of my tasks to an EA last year, and found a way to replace them with 30% more higher level tasks. Still tasks. Dangit Parkinson.

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This year I'm doing the same with a Chief of Staff.

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I long for a cabin in the woods with no internet.

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For every 1,000 more followers there are 5 more cool opportunities. How to say no? When to say no? I'm saying no to more and more and more, but the yeses compound regardless.

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4 days ago I installed an app on my MacBook that tracks every word typed. I'm doing 4,000-6,000 per day, and this feels like a lighter writing week, with lots of calls. That's what, 2 books' worth every month?

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When you love what you do (and I do) it doesn't feel like work, but it's still work. Is it work if it doesn't feel like work? I think last night told me yes.

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Gotta figure something out.